Wedding March
by RuthieGreen
Summary: What unfolds between William and Julia in the months between engagement and marriage? What transpires to alter Julia's decision to seek a Catholic Wedding for them? Here is my take at explaining some of the back-story. Happy Valentine's Day to all! Reviews/feedback/dialogue encouraged. See discussion topic at end & enjoy- Thanx Maureen Jennings & show writers for this world-rg
1. Chapter 1

Wedding March Intermezzo

 _ **William and Julia's progress towards matrimony was anything but smooth or predictable with many interesting opportunities for stories to fill in the gaps. There was a long gap (Intermezzo) of several months between when Julia and William became officially engaged and when they got married. Set from S7: E18 (Death of Dr. Ogden) & S8:E3 (Glory D**_ _ **ays)**_ _ **What happened in that time and what happened to persuade Julia to get married in the Catholic Church?**_

 _ **-The intermezzo between Midsummer Night's Dream Acts IV and V is the famous**_ __ _ **Wedding March**_ _ **, probably the most popular single piece of music composed by Mendelssohn, and one of the most ubiquitous pieces of music ever written.**_

 _ **-There are seven**_ __ _ **sacraments**_ __ _ **in the Catholic Church: Baptism, Confirmation, Eucharist, Penance, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders, and Matrimony. This story explores most of them.**_

 _ **Thank you "I'd Be Delighted" and "Dutch" for feedback—any errors are my own. Bold dialogue taken from "Glory Days."**_

 **-Chapter One-**

The characteristic hospital smells were overpowering, with the sounds of illness and death echoing off glazed white tile. Detective William Murdoch was holding his composure, acutely aware he needed to set a proper tone for the other men under his, at least temporary, command. A knot of officers talked angrily amongst themselves while waiting in the narrow corridor for word on Inspector Brackenreid's condition, while the detective shuttled back and forth between the telephone and the nurses' desk fielding questions from his superiors and city managers. Any joy William harboured about his engagement was long dissipated, replaced by carefully suppressed dread and rage. Dr. Julia Ogden escorted a stern-faced Margaret Brackenreid and the family's Pastor to her husband's side, with the detective assigning Constable Crabtree to look after the two Brackenreid boys whilst the doctors conferred. A sharp crashing sound from the next ward sent the men to jittering; waiting was fraying everyone's nerves.

Julia finally emerged and motioned William over for a quiet word.

"Doctor? How is he?" He unconsciously braced for the news, his fingers spasming on the brim of his hat. He knew the Anglican tradition did not have Anointing the Sick, or _God forbid,_ he thought, _Last Rites,_ but he hoped that whatever Christian good will was available to the Inspector was being employed. He had already sent his own prayers along and was going to begin a _novena_ asking for intercession on Brackenreid's behalf.

Julia took a breath before speaking in a well-practiced neutral, calm tone. "Detective. He was beaten badly, as I am sure you already saw. But he _will_ live, I can tell you that much. What I cannot tell you is how long he will be out of commission. Mrs. Brackenreid says he is a _'tough old…'_ " She stopped and put her hands on her hips and made a face. "Well, that he is tough. You can tell your men and the Chief Constable that, and to expect several months of recovery. I'd catalogue the injuries for you but the list is really quite long…" She looked at him tenderly for a quick moment and dropped her voice further. "Not the way we expected today to end, is it William?"

It took a while for him to regain the conversation, feeling his heart rate drop a bit upon hearing Brackenreid's prognosis. "Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about everything that needs to be done." He exhaled then. "No, not the way I thought it would end." William spied the jewel flashing on Julia's left hand, unable to suppress a bolt of pleasure he recalled when placing it there, then reproved himself for the lapse in attention. He paused and squared his shoulders. "Can we talk about that later?" he asked, "I have to make some telephone calls and then get the men sorted out."

Julia smiled in agreement, using all her willpower not to hug him or caress the worry he briefly allowed on his face before closing himself back up. She let him turn stiffly on his heel and approach the constables to tell them the news and set them about their next tasks— presumably catching the miscreants who assaulted their police Inspector.

 _This is going to get personal,_ she predicted, before erasing that thought to go back and offer support to Mrs. Brackenreid.

# # #

It was five days later before William and Julia had an opportunity to speak on any topic at all and by the time they did so, their initial wedding plans were evaporating. Julia tried to be conciliatory as William stalked in the small space in front of his desk. "William, really, it is all right. I don't need a honeymoon. I understand that this case is important and you have been assigned extra duties…"

"But _Julia_ that is not the point! We agreed to marry as soon as possible but now between your schedule and mine there is not even a single day available for it. I am so very sorry…" He took her hands in his, feeling the usual electric current sparking between them, setting his heart thrumming for a moment before he shook it away. "I still don't have any word on whether or not I'm to be appointed acting Inspector, but I have all the responsibility now in addition to my own work, and then there's…" He looked at her with distress.

Julia tried again to put the best face on the problem. "It will only be a couple extra weeks at the most. And perhaps there could be a benefit. My sister might be able to come and your brother possibly?"

"Yes, I suppose…" he equivocated.

Julia knew what else he was thinking and voiced it. "But you also feel badly that we might celebrate our happiness while the Inspector and his family are in such difficult circumstances and while the criminals who did this to him are still walking about unpunished…" She let him take her hand to his lips and felt the tenderest, warm kiss where his mouth met her fingers. "You _will_ find them William, and the Inspector _will_ get out of hospital, and we _will_ get married," she smiled coyly, "perhaps not as quickly as either of us would like." She laughed a bit to see William colour at the innuendo about refraining until their wedding. She took a step closer to him, unable to stay away despite knowing the risk of stirring their passions. The two of them paused in mid-motion, both looking towards the door in anticipation...

Right on cue, Constable Crabtree interrupted the moment with news of a body found down by the docks. Detective and doctor tossed each other a knowing look, bid adieu, and were on about their chosen business without looking back, certain all would be smoothed out in that promised "week or two."


	2. Chapter 2

**-Chapter Two-**

It had been snowing heavily for three days. One blessing was that the accumulation outside quieted the usual rattle of carriages, and allowed the snap and pop of pine logs in the hearth to echo off the dark, polished wood ceiling and paneling of the rectory parlour. Father Joseph Clements clucked his tongue before smoothly reaching over the table. "Check and _mate_! William, you are distracted tonight. I never win two in a row from you." He sat back in satisfaction, quaffing the rest of the excellent tea William had provided for the evening and grinning hugely.

William just sat there staring into the fire, inhaling the wood smoke and allowing another fire-side memory to surface, giving Father Clements a moment to study him. More than two months ago his parishioner had excitedly told him Dr. Ogden finally accepted his marriage proposal and they would be wed within a few weeks. The priest had refrained from asking about the particulars up until now, and wondered if there was a romantic problem that was once again throwing the detective off his game, because as far as he could tell there was no longer any talk and even less action towards getting them to be man and wife, with the new year only ten days away.

"William, perhaps there is something you'd like to talk about?" He asked while setting down his cup and reaching for the poker to stir the hearth. "It's been a while since we played, but I cannot imagine I got suddenly better in that time."

William repositioned in the chair and plucked at his brow with a hand. "No, Father, umm…"

"William, perhaps I am not asking as your priest… although as your priest I _do_ wonder what you have been keeping from confession…" He smiled to show he was joshing, _mostly_. Father Clements saw William go through a selection of feelings rippling underneath a tired façade. The priest had come to know that the more emotional, important, tender or personal the subject was the more likely that William Murdoch was rendered powerfully mute. It took a long while before the other man grimaced and sat forward.

"Er...Joseph, it's this case I am working on…." William trailed off, knowing that although that was true enough, it was also a lie because it was not only what was occupying his mind. So he tried again, starting with the obvious. "And, well…Julia and I have not set a date for our wedding."

"What is the rush? You have waited this long…" Joseph teased offhandedly. William's use of his Christian name signaled this was going to be a conversation between equals; their social relationship having been carefully crafted over time and by mutual inclination. Both men were capable of discretion as well as boundaries, so that what started as mutual respect eventually widened topermit something singular, approaching friendship. In Joseph's opinion, William had been, at least until recently, much too… _serene…_ nay, _satisfied_ since his engagement; the best explanation for which, in his pastoral experience, being carnal relations. There was an even-temperedness and lightness in the usually so-serious detective. _And it was not coming up in confession, so no contrition for his sin…._

While Father Clements believed William had never committed physical adultery with Julia Ogden when her husband was alive, his chess partner certainly and publicly violated the Seventh Commandment prohibiting covetousness. He glanced at William again, seeing the good man who sat across from him, as well as the sinner. _There will be the scandal of an unblessed union whenever they do get married, which will not at all hush the censure that rained down after Dr. Ogden's trial, no matter she was exonerated._

Then his brows shot up and the eyes beneath them widened suddenly. "Er…if the problem is you _have_ to marry soon perhaps a justice of the peace would serve?"

William was initially appalled, then abruptly saddened, before settling on tight amusement. "No, Joseph – we do not, er… _have_ to marry, not in that way." He cleared his throat and tried not to squirm. "And a judge or justice it will be."

"Then what is the impediment?" Joseph relaxed a bit, grateful that his educated guess about the status of William'ssexual continence was not producing any additional crisis. _Fornication was bad enough._

"Between her schedule and my duties, and with the Inspector not yet out of hospital…It has gone from what could go wrong to wondering what will go right." William sighed.

Joseph narrowed his eyes and took in William's demeanor. "Are you sure that is all?" He hesitated, taking on worry now. "Some people are more interested in the pursuit than in the having…the attraction pales when the way is cleared…" Joseph offered, concerned that William's fiancée was having second thoughts, or William himself was wavering.

A pink flush ran up William's neck. "No, I can assure you that is not the case for us…" His lips quirked briefly as he shook his head, before subsiding again into a frown.

"Then something else?"

"What else is there?" William blurted out in frustrated rejoinder. He look over at the other man, who was silently and patiently looking back with a kind expression on his face. William frowned more deeply.

"William, marriage is a holy sacrament," Joseph held a hand up to stop the protesting detective. "And church or courthouse, you would not be the first person to balk at such a vow." He saw that William was getting angry now, but decided to plow on anyway. "You first made sacrifices to be _without_ your Julia. Are you harbouring doubts about making the necessary sacrifices to be _with_ her as well?" It seemed odd to Joseph that even though now William might perhaps create a way to marry Julia Ogden according to Church teachings, he was not pursuing a Catholic wedding for some unknown reason, having quietly but decidedly rebuffed the idea when the priest had broached it. _Was it that his fiancée was not willing to do so?_ Father Clements judged William was not in danger of defecting entirely from his faith, but the priest in him briefly wondered if William's religious convictions were undergoing another transformation.

William grunted and rubbed his face. "I have made peace with my circumstances; genuinely so. Julia and I most definitely belong together" he managed a smile, seeming to have read the priest's mind. "I do very much believe my hope and my faith have been well-rewarded. It is just we have waited so many years..."

Joseph detected some humor as well as longing in that remark. "And you are not getting any younger so I had supposed you would be eager to move along and start your family…" Joseph saw his companion's jaw twitch violently, and wondered what caused _that_ reaction. William had previously described his desire for a son, _for a family,_ as central to his future.

William could not believe the conversation was taking this turn. His mouth was dry and his face flushed. "Julia and I… that is to say we will not…." He stalled not knowing how to continue on this seemingly dangerous ground. "Julia cannot have children, so…"

Father Clements was caught off guard by the revelation, totally confused. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts and even then he reacted from the heart. "William? No children? But I thought, I always assumed…." He stopped again, foundering uncharacteristically for the right tact. "How long have you know this? I am so sorry, William…" He stopped himself before he could do any more damage, wondering if this was the cause behind stalled wedding plans. "I had no right…" He waved his hands around ineffectively before crunching them into fists, angry with himself for his outburst, for embarrassing this self-contained man and causing him discomfort.

William held up a hand. He worried he had given too much away or impugned Julia's reputation by even addressing the topic. It was certainly not something he had ever discussed with anyone other than Julia, and not very openly with her as it had been painful for them both in the past. "Oh, I have known for years."

The priest winced at William's confession. _Sacrifice indeed…_

William slapped his hands on his knees to dispel the mood and for emphasis. "But that's all right with me, Joseph. Julia and I agreed to adopt." He looked up to face his companion. "I was actually hoping you would be one of our references… I had planned on asking you when the time came, er…perhaps one of the non-sectarian orphanages could be our first choice?" By implication acknowledging it was unlikely the Diocesan orphanage would permit them.William made himself smile wider to show no hard feelings as well as to cover up his disquiet.

The priest sat back in his chair and took in the request, which warmed his heart immensely as William never asked for even the smallest thing of a personal nature. He paused before answering, _Not all the parishioners at St. Paul's are as forgiving as Our Heavenly Father,_ he thought and accepted that sadly. "Will you be raising your child in the Church?" he asked, hoping for the best.

William crossed his arms. "That is my intention. And Julia has not objected." He had one discussion with her, so that was technically true. Looking at Joseph, he knew the priest detected some hedging.

"I will help you if I can." Joseph started to comment further but decided it was not the time. Instead he inquired. "Will you be at Mass on Christmas Eve?"

"I will be, as long as there are no emergencies…"

"Then I will get you introduced to a few fellow parishioners who are involved with foundlings and orphanages. Never hurts to know the right people… wouldn't you say?" Joseph saw William's body relax and the strain leave his face a bit. "Perhaps your fiancée would accompany you to Church on Christmas?" Unfortunately that invitation caused William to scowl quickly before it was gone as if it never happened.

"Oh, I will ask…" William checked his watch and saw it was late, so he stood. "Joseph, thank you for the game and the, umm, talk. It was good to see you. Merry Christmas."

Father Clements stood with him and handed him his coat. "Merry Christmas, William, and a blessed New Year." He watched the other man take his leave, hoping the tension he read there would be eased with prayer and reflection on God's Grace.


	3. Chapter 3

**-Chapter Three-**

A bright moon illuminated the snow crunching beneath their feet as Julia steadied herself on William's arm up the five stone steps to St. Paul's, then through a central pair of tall wooden doors under a roman arch. Their breath trailed behind them in the cold. She wore her most sober hat and outfit and once inside the narthex, unwrapped a blue-green velvet shawl from over her coat. William drew her forward and paused to touch the holy water surface with his fingers, cross himself and intone a prayer, before ushering her to an opening in a pew about half way down the sanctuary aisle. Julia was immediately taken with the interior, and snuck an awed glance towards the decorated high ceiling and other architectural details. She slid in first along the smooth polished wood and William genuflected before taking his place beside her. He pressed her hand with his and smiled fondly at her, before bringing his olive-wood rosary out of a jacket pocket to kneel and pray until the service began.

Julia agreed with William to either sit quietly or follow along with the movements of the congregation as her conscience dictated. While it was not completely unheard of for a guest of a different faith to attend a Sunday service, in practice Catholics did not attend Protestant Churches and Protestants did not attend Catholic Mass, even, (or especially) at Christmas. There was too much prejudice and not a little superstition about the goings-on in the other faiths, and suspicion about the potential for disaffecting the faithful on both sides, as well as ordinances about what was allowed or disallowed in a sanctuary.

Fortunately Julia was both barred from, and completely disinclined to partake of the Eucharist, so there was not going to be any issue there. For a moment Julia imagined some of her father's Society acquaintances being appalled at the idea of even entering a Catholic Church, let alone attending a sacrament there, such as a wedding. She laughed to herself, shaking her head in amusement, thinking about the utter discomfort some of them would experience and how glad she was for not having to consider those sorts of social niceties for her marriage to William. She was therefore quite content to detach and observe the ritual pageantry, the variety of people, then moved to admire the paintings and stained glass, inhaling the incense she now recognized was one of the subtle fragrances she often found on William's hair or clothing. As time progressed she became interested in the flow of the Mass, with its meditative droning of Latin and jangling bells, and for the first time was accorded an opportunity to observe a remarkably transported William, deep in practice of his faith.

# # #

"Merry Christmas, Julia!" William leaned over to kiss her cheek as they exited the church, picking their way back down the steps. As cold as it was he kept his gloves off in order to cover her hand with his.

"Merry Christmas, William." Julia took his arm and pulled him nearer, feeling emotionally close as well, and marveling at the subtle difference experiencing William at his devotions had made in her appraisal of him.

William said, "Thank you for coming with me tonight. Also, I think you quite impressed Mr. and Mrs. Ketchum and it is fortuitous you already know the Morgans." Father Clements' promised casual introduction to members of orphanage boards went well, planting the seed that William and Julia were individuals who, at minimum, might carry the priest's support. "I will introduce you to the Father another time when you can get to know one another better."

She look at him in the moonlight, noticing the planes of his cheeks and mouth, with happiness suffusing his face. "William, could we walk to Mrs. Kitchen's instead of a hansom? There is no wind and the streets are clear. You said she will need a little while to heat the repast…"

"Are you sure? There could be some snowbanks…" Hungry as he was from choosing to fast since noon that day, the chance to spend time alone with Julia was more tempting than a meal. "As you wish," he said when he saw she was serious. He snugged his maroon scarf and took her arm, steering her along the broad avenue. Upon crossing the street, the moon was prominently displayed.

"Isn't that beautiful, William? A full moon and on Christmas; I wonder if that is unusual. I don't remember the last time that happened."

"Well, it may not be officially full for a few hours, " he turned to look at Julia with her face getting pink from the cold, and her blue eyes bright in the moonbeams. "But, yes, the view is quite lovely…" he said, voice low. He saw Julia smile back at him, aware his comments were not at all about astrological events. "The moon is full on any particular day every nineteen years or so. It is called the Metonic Cycle—it happens because 235 returns to full moon is almost exactly equal to nineteen years." He hugged her closer as they walked up Ontario Street. "We will see it again in our lifetimes, I should think."

Julia answered, "I think we shall make it a date then, will you accept?" He nodded, obviously pleased with the promise of their years together, and she walked with him in silence for half a block. "William," she ventured, "I must say, the service tonight was truly an experience. I had, of course, never been to Mass before, and I found it intriguing. Something theoretically unchanged for hundreds of years, enacted in the same way all over the world. A source of stability and consistency, I assume…"

William noted Julia was not critical, merely curious. "Yes. The unending Mercy and Glory of God. Tonight the birth of Jesus…"he said, not sure what else Julia was interested in.

"William," Julia said after a moment. "I have always known you as a man with a strong scientific mind and deep feelings, and I have come to realize that somehow you do not find science and religion incompatible. Which makes me wonder..."

When she did not go on, he motioned wordlessly, "Hmmm?"

They passed several more houses before she continued, "William, why did you decided against the priesthood?" She thought about how completely absorbed in worship he had been tonight. "I imagine you considered it; your sister took vows…"

William's eyebrows tented quizzically a moment. It took him a while to answer. "The Fathers were somewhat divided on my fitness for a vocation." He saw her frown and quickly reassured her, humor in his voice. "No, not my fitness of character per se, nor my virtue, nor even my faith. The sticking point might have been my curiosity, and, um… endless questioning…." He chuckled.

"I thought perhaps obedience…" Julia had a smile when she said this, but then thought: _Of all people, William's adherence to propriety calls that observation somewhat into question._ She saw that William smiled back. "You could have been a Jesuit scholar, a teacher perhaps. You could have even been afforded a university education, advanced degrees as well…"

He nodded briefly at that. "In the end, it was just not my calling, Julia. I had conversations with my teachers of course, naturally, and a spiritual advisor. I thought about it for quite a while. But when my sister spoke of her decision to become a novice, I compared it to my vision and thoughts of religious life. She talked about it with such passion and certainty. It was not something I had…not one of my gifts." He looked at Julia and felt emotions suddenly well up, so he cleared his throat and swallowed, allowing them to subside.

Julia paused in her tracks and took his face in her hands. She briefly recalled her own fateful vows. "Perhaps that was not your destiny, William. And I dare say you are well-educated by your own efforts." She swayed against him. "You can see that I am quite happy you did not take that path."

"Yes, perhaps God had other plans for me…" William brought his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply, waking his body to exquisite attention. When he broke it off he laughed: "And speaking of vows, when will we ever get married? I am finding it harder all the time to 'wait'…" He looked up at the sky as large light flakes started to fall and embellish her chapeau.

Julia pulled his head down a fraction and collected his lips with hers in a passionate embrace, entering that ineffable moment where time and space were set aside only for the two of them. She felt William gather her closely to him, raising her a little off her feet in his strong arms and in no time her heart beat with desire. She heard him make a delicately sensitive, soft, deep moan…

…Interrupted by a loud _bang!_

"Mr. Murdoch! Good gracious. What are you doing out there with Dr. Ogden? We've been waiting for you!" Mrs. Kitchen shouted from her doorstep to the startled lovers, the sound from the front door slamming open still reverberating in the crisp air. "Come in, come in!..."

On the street, William and Julia went from abrupt shock to bursting into laughter, causing Mrs. Kitchen to look eminently confused.

"It's not just _George_ , is it?" Julia giggled in a whisper, as they made their way up the walk.


	4. Chapter 4

**-Chapter 4-**

"Emily! Really, you are just too much. _Too much!"_ Julia vacillated between exasperation and amusement today. _That's what I get for involving her in the first place, but I just had to tell someone..._ Then she reconsidered. _Still a mile better than Ruby…_

Emily Grace could not keep her curiosity, nor enthusiasm, contained any longer; although this was not an unusual state of affairs, even she would have to admit. It was at her urging, after all, that Julia told Detective Murdoch about receiving death threats, which lead to eventually discovering it was Leslie Garland harassing the couple. Because of that, Emily thought of herself as the couple's primary "rally" leader, with her task to urge them down the aisle. She nearly stamped her foot. _I had no idea it was going to be this difficult!_

She had approached the subject of their wedding from so many angles she had eventually run out of them, having come no closer to the answer she was looking for. Almost half a year ago, Julia started out so pleased and excited about accepting the detective's marriage proposal, and then several presumed dates for their marriage came and went with nothing to show for it. After that there was almost a moratorium on any discussion of marriage.

Since March, Emily had managed to dole out a new question, idea or suggestion at the rate of one every week or two, on topics such as wedding party, guest list, reception, wedding dress and post-marital living arrangements, as there was no apparent forward movement with nuptials. Most of these talks produced nothing more than a shrug from Julia and a confession that plans for her previous marriage were taken over by her father, sister or Dr. Garland's family, and that she had very little to do with it. Emily guessed that since Julia's heart had not really been in it, that was to have been expected…

Now, _finally!_ A weekend in late May was nailed down as a wedding date for detective and doctor, and Julia was still not forthcoming with any details. Presumably Julia _wanted_ to marry the detective…Emily just _had_ to know…

" **I can only imagine how excited you must be, Julia,"** Emily prompted again. When Julia offered nothing more she tried a direct approach. **"Where will the ceremony be held?"** That seemed like a simple enough question and easy enough to answer.

Julia sighed and hesitated. **"I don't know, yet."** She felt her heart sink a little. She realized she should be excited but instead her conscience was bothering her. _I told William I did not want a church ceremony of any kind this time around. William even agreed with me! It should have made things easier and faster…_ **"I suppose I've been putting off having to make that decision…."**

 _Putting it off?_ Emily was shocked; how do you set a date but no location for a wedding? _What in heavens name did that mean?_ She wondered if Julia had been dragging her feet all along. Curiosity took over again, but she was not absolutely sure now that she wanted to know the answer. **"Why is that?"**

Julia sighed. **"William would never say as much but I know it would mean a great deal to him for us… to marry in the Catholic Church."**

" **How do** _ **you**_ **feel?"** Emily asked, assuming that was something that was clearly impossible. _What was going on…?_ She saw Julia hesitate.

" **I'm not sure….But I worry that in granting him that I may be betraying my own values."**

Values? _Values?_ Emily could hardly believe her ears. Of all the barriers to their happiness, the litany of problems, snagging on _that_ one left her speechless. She knew that Julia, _Dr. Ogden_ , was fiercely independent and that Detective Murdoch had accommodated her in untold ways. As far as Emily was concerned it was obvious to absolutely everyone the detective would have the doctor as his bride in any honourable way, so it confounded her that Julia was hesitating over an issue that was, or certainly should be, long-time settled.

Several peppy comebacks played in her mind, but she tossed each one aside. Instead Emily did something uncharacteristic of her: she decided to stay out of it.

She answered only, **"Perhaps that's an issue I should leave to you and the detective**. **"**

# # #

Later on that day and throughout the evening, Julia replayed her conversation with Emily, rehashing the quandary about choosing a wedding venue. Over the intervening weeks since the holidays it slowly occurred to Julia she'd been tending to her own needs, wants, will and desires for so long out of necessity as well as habit that to fight it was quite difficult…most days all it did was produce a headache. _The fact that even Emily had not taken up the argument today was telling…_ She observed wryly.

She also did not think she could tolerate a bridal "Hen party" such as Emily suggested. _That would probably thoroughly jinx the whole business!_ Grumbling, she pawed through the drawers in her desk and through her medical bag in frustration. _There it is!_

Julia found the packet of willow bark extract she was looking for and dissolved it in her cold tea, since that was the only liquid readily available. She walked to her chair and sat within its cushioned arms, but that provided no comfort as she swallowed the bitter brew. Ever since being with William at Christmas Mass, she slowly but surely found herself torn between wanting to have her way and wanting William to have his.

Unfortunately there had been so many set-then-broken wedding dates it was getting to be an awkward joke between them.

Julia sighed and adjusted her corset, deciding it needed to come off as soon as possible. She cast her mind back to just last night when William nearly lost his considerable resolve…

 _***Her hands found the back of his neck and her fingers wound his dark hair, while she leaned her chest on his to deepen their kiss. He quickly wrapped his hands around her unencumbered waist to pull them in alignment, making small noises of appreciation and warming her with their physical contact. They had spoken no words, not even hello or each other's names, just taken each other in an embrace when William appeared on her doorstep, much too late at night. She closed her eyes to enjoy the delicious meal she was making of his mouth._

" _I cannot stay," he whispered in between repositioning his lips._

" _I know," she answered, pushing her hips towards his. "William, what are you doing here?" She moaned softly as he ran his hands along the fabric of her robe._

" _Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked into her ear._

 _She answered, "At least as much as I do you. But we promised we'd wait, William, it was important to you that we do." She felt his passion rise…***_

Julia felt hers do the same just thinking about it, and squirmed in the chair as a result. She had to take some responsibility for further arousing him last night as her own desire ran away with her, knowing how unparalleled and powerful relations between them could be. Julia smiled to herself. She trusted wedding vows would be made of sterner stuff than their promises to refrain. _We were naïve about just how hard abstinence was going to be…_ She giggled, _so far, having had to recommit to it on two additional occasions..._ She felt her body respond once again to sensual memories. Julia occasionally wondered if William's insistence on not making love again until they were married was really a ploy to make sure she would go through with the wedding. She chuckled to herself. _Well, he would not be wrong about it being a motivating factor…._

The only way to save the both of them yesterday was for her to pronounce another date, agreeing with each other they would go forward this time no matter what. So May 24th it was. _But where?_

She frowned and recalled with some guilt how she once cursed angrily, then threw at him to " _work it out with your God_ " when it came to marrying her at all, civil marriage or not, should she obtain a divorce. She winced to herself at her petulance, and shifted her corset again as it was pinching, noting at least the headache was fading a little.

William _had_ gone away as she asked, returning later looking solemn and determined. She saw him in her mind's eye, very directly and sincerely coming to her, obviously trying to communicate his true feelings. _He told me he loved me and that no love could be wrong._ She felt her heart squeeze. _It was one of the few times I ever told him out loud that I loved him…._

She refocused on her dilemma about the place for them to marry. _William had never mentioned Church again, asked for or even as much as hinted that he wanted anything more than to put a ring on my finger and say "I do" as soon as possible at the place and time I was willing and able._

Julia groaned out loud in frustration about her decision and pulled at her garment—both wretched problems that needed solving. The corset was easier. _Emily suggested I need to talk to William._ Julia thought about having such a conversation. _That was actually good advice she gave me today,_ Julia admitted. _Damn Ruby…_

Therefore, Julia chose an entirely different solution.


	5. Chapter 5

**-Chapter 5-**

Julia came in the side door of St. Paul's and looked around at the bright daylight streaming through coloured glass, squinting a bit at the sculpture. On the walk over, Julia pondered what it was she intended to accomplish and if she was ready to do what was needed. She had called ahead to meet with Father Clements, but wanted to come in a little early to see the space when it was empty of people and ritual, assuming the particular feeling she had at Christmas Eve Mass would have dispersed by now. It had, and yet there was a sensation she could not name. However the newly-familiar smells of candles and incense were available to her awareness and she found the sanctuary proportions pleasing. Her eye was drawn to a side chapel full of red votive lights when she heard footsteps approach and her throat caught. _I had hoped for more time…._ A tall, well-built man greeted her in a simple black robe. She recognized him as one of the celebrants of the Christmas mass.

" **You must be Doctor Ogden."** He smiled and gestured her to walk with him. **"I'm Father Clements. Welcome,"** he said. His first impression of William's fiancée centered on her patrician looks and upright carriage, until he looked a little deeper. _A proud woman, strong features…_ he recognized. _So this is who William has chosen above all others, above all else…._

Julia noticed he seemed to be appraising her in the same way she was evaluating him. She considered how it was that _men_ ran the church, by virtue of gender. Up close, he was younger than she expected, about her own age she guessed. Julia found him to be handsome with a warm personality that showed clearly through his vibrant physical presence, despite his cassock. She was not sure what she expected but Father Clements was not it. _This man was no shriveled religious relic…_

The priest offered his observation on the situation. **"William's at peace in a way I have never known him to be."**

She was surprised at bit by his comment. Father Clements seemed to say it with no discernable subtext, merely offering an astute observation, with which Julia privately agreed. The fact that Father Clements noticed this subtle change in William was impressive, and he rose in her estimation. But as one of William's few personal acquaintances as well as his priest, she suddenly felt less than confident in her mission and in the presence of a man who might know a great deal about her… _Oh my, the things he might know!…_

Julia recalled herself quickly, decided she would refuse to be embarrassed, believing instantly what William had intuited about this priest's abilities to read people. Letting not even a breath or two pass, she responded truthfully. **"As am I,"** she affirmed.

" **Good,"** he told her, pleased to hear the mutual nature of their contentment.

" **We're very happy,"** she said, unaccountably stalling.

He looked at her with an open face, and his curiosity was piqued. Her telephone call had been oblique and he thought it strange, but bold, when she just called him up and proposed this meeting. " **What brings you to my Church?"**

Julia took a breath and squared her shoulders. It was now or never. **"I know it would mean a great deal to William for us to marry in the Church, but I'm not a Catholic. I'm here to ask if there is any way I might…grant him that gift?"** She looked over at the priest to see his reaction.

 _Ah! Not what I expected._ Father Clements narrowed his eyes briefly in surprise. He explained, **"That gift is not yours to grant. It's the Church's."**

Julia received his answer and was not sure if she was relieved or disappointed. Instead she looked at him closely. _Well, I like a man who is_ v _ery straight forward._ **"I understand. Thank you for your time, Father Clements,"** She said and sighed. _So,_ she thought, _that's over and now I know there is nothing I can do so it is not a problem I need to deal with, nothing to wrestle with_ … She turned around to leave.

He stopped her. **"I did not say that it** _ **could**_ **not be granted, however."** He saw that she paused, so he pressed on. **"William painted the picture to me of a resilient, determined woman. I'm surprised you give up so easily."** He confronted her to test her intention.

Julia accepted the compliment and was pleased that was how William portrayed her to this man. She also recognized the challenge, but in truth, she was still ambivalent that a church wedding was the right venue for herself, even were it possible. **"I do want this, for William."** She hoped she made the implication clear and that her uncertainty did not show.

The priest did a rapid assessment. He sensed William's fiancée was conflicted, no matter how she tried to hide it, and he recognized a wandering soul when he met one. Father Clements also knew for a fact while William might be quite grateful for a church ceremony, but did not need that in order to feel genuinely married, with a clear conscience no matter consequences from the Church. _So this must be about her, no matter what she says._ He thought for a moment before saying, **"Then if this is something you really want, I would like you to consider the following: Why is the belief in God important?"**

Julia was caught off balance at the question. She exhaled to gather in enough breath to object.

Father Clements anticipated and cut her off, but gently. " **Just think on it for a time."**

They started to part company when he called her back. "Dr. Ogden, if I may." Father Clements re-approached her, not certain she would acquiesce. However she stood there and nodded towards him. "Were you ever baptized?"

She nodded again. "Yes, Father Clements, I was. My mother insisted, or so I was told. She was a Methodist."

"And your father?"

Julia snorted in what she hoped was a lady-like fashion. "My father belonged to the Unitarian Church, but I can assure you he never went." Julia looked about the sanctuary and waved aloft at the painted ceiling and huge, figurative windows. "I attended Sunday school and learned my Bible, but I have followed my father in understanding these are myths and stories. I find them objectively beautiful, but meaningless, obfuscating more than they reveal." Julia found her pulse to be racing a bit and calmed herself with effort.

Father Clements crossed his arms, and dropped his tone. _Well, thank God, she has been baptized; that is at least something I can work with._ "Have you never prayed?"

Julia thought carefully how to answer. "Not since I was a child." She brought her head up to look at him directly. "Not since my mother died."

"And no other time?"

Julia looked away and cleared her throat which had tightened up. She found her voice to answer. "When I was about to be… hanged…I prayed. But not for myself. For William, in case he was in danger. I don't really know why…"

The priest said nothing for a long moment, watching her straighten her shoulders and put her chin up defiantly. He said again: "Then I ask you to meditate on my question: Why is belief in God important?"

With that he left her in the sanctuary, and proceeded to his next task, thoughts settling on this interesting couple. He smiled. _If this is the woman William thinks she is, she will be back._ __

Julia exited the church in some agitation, which she kept under wraps until she hit the street. She bypassed a carriage and decided to walk herself home to allow an opportunity for reflection. _Of all the things that priest could have said, could have asked…? Good grief!_

She felt as if she was suddenly back at Bishop's, an English-and-Anglican island in the sea of French-Catholic Montreal, and one of the professors had just made a provocative statement designed to incite his students into exercising their arguments. _Situations that usually make my teeth itch in frustration, and which I had been ever so glad to escape!_ Julia needed a hand to jam her hat more firmly on her head so it did not lift off in a sudden current. She bore down on the street with her heels, walking more quickly as her thoughts raced.

 _Now what am I to do?_


	6. Chapter 6

**-Chapter 6-**

 _Apparently setting a wedding date did not in fact settle anything._

William had to admit he was feeling a little lost and that this was an uncomfortable state of being for him in an otherwise orderly life. He looked for a reasonable solution to the problems before him, and started with enumeration in a meticulous list penciled carefully in his notebook:

1) Bat Masterson was as uneven a personality has he had ever encountered whose behaviors were obfuscating the current investigation. _What to do?_

2) The Inspector was, well, unaccountably _charmed,_ by the lawman. _How to address this?_

3) Both George and Mrs. Kitchen seemed to assume he and Julia would be living somewhere other than his boarding house, an idea that had never occurred to him and he speculated if, at the end of the day, Mrs. Kitchen was uncomfortable about the idea of sheltering them when there would be some inevitable gossip and shunning. But _where to live?_

4) That was, he supposed, a conversation to have with his bride, after all. But _when_?

5) Their wedding day was approaching and while he had confidently left the arrangements for the ceremony to Julia, _his_ arrangements for a Manhattan honeymoon were stalled because he could not get a confirmation from the Hotel. _Why not?_

Then there were other worries:

6) He hadn't had an extended private moment with Julia in more days than he could count and in his experience that usually did not bode well…

7) Worse yet, the lads were hinting about that abhorrent social variation known as a bachelor party; and of course…

8) There were the ladies from the brothel, and his reactions to them….

O _r was that eight_ and _nine?_ William sighed and rubbed his forehead in vexation before snapping his notebook shut with a disgusted slap. Per usual, the closer he got to actually having her, the more he had erotic dreams about Julia. Last night was particularly exciting and he woke this morning sorely disappointed…

 _If I am not careful,_ he told himself, _I believe I will be whining any minute!_

# # #

Julia clutched a notebook tightly in her hands walking up to the door, then turned around to flee when Margaret Brackenreid hailed her from the threshold. "Dr. Ogden, where-ever are you going? It just took a moment to get to the door!" Mrs. Brackenreid motioned Julia back onto the porch, through the vestibule of their home and directly into the parlour. "I have tea all prepared. Please, sit with me while I pour and then we can go over your wedding plans."

Julia plastered a pleasant expression on her face and allowed herself to be ushered inside and installed on stiff cushions. Sipping the pleasant beverage she could not help but wish for something stronger, but assumed that would offend her hostess, so she added more sugar and hoped for the best. It turned out Julia did not have to do more than "Mm-mm" and "Why, yes" as the other woman chattered on with ideas that were festooning the wedding and reception with evermore layers of grandiosity that she believed William would absolutely _hate_ as much as she did. It took every ounce of Julia's diplomacy to curb Margaret's enthusiasm without hurting her feelings.

"…So, as wonderful as that notion is, William and I are hoping for something simple that our guests can enjoy, and as for the number of those guests, until I have a wedding venue we won't know how many can be accommodated." Julia smiled as sweetly as she could. "Our list is not that long as it is…"

"What is the problem then? How can I help you plan if there is no location for wedding or reception? Really, Dr. Ogden, I took you for someone who was more organized than this." She took a sip then lowered her tea cup to the saucer. "Or is Detective Murdoch balking about something? _Men!_ Honestly, we love them but they can be so difficult at times." She shook her head and was about to launch into a dissertation when Julia stopped her.

"It is not the detective, Mrs. Brackenreid." Julia hesitated. "I have asked William's priest if we can be married at St Paul's, but I have no decision as of yet."

"A Catholic Church? Is that even possible?

"The priest says it may be—as much as I am drawn to thinking to do this for William, I am quite conflicted."

Margaret was curious. "In what way?" she asked.

"I feel I may be violating my deepest convictions just to please yet another man…"

"And has Detective Murdoch insisted on this sacrifice?"

"No—and that makes it worse," Julia muttered, looking at the ceiling.

"I don't understand the problem. You are asking for permission to marry in church and you seem to be saying you don't know if you want it even if you obtain it?"

Julia looked at the other woman and decided to say out loud what she had been thinking. "All men have been doing my entire life is ask me to settle for less than what I want or deserve. They needed concessions from me or to compromise my beliefs in order to have peace or get ahead, or to fit into the concept of what society says I should be—as a woman, as a doctor." Julia set her tea down with a clatter. "First my father, then at University, my male medical colleagues, the city Fathers when I was coroner, the men who run the asylum, even Darcy…it is endless and so very frustrating." She set her mouth in a tight line. "I cannot imagine a vow of obedience…"

Margaret Brackenreid eyed her companion skeptically, absorbing such a surprising outburst. _Really,_ she thought. _What is it with high-strung individuals?_ _No common sense_ _!_

Resolving conflicts was Margaret's forte after all, honed by long productive years as mother to sons and wife of a proud, difficult man. She thought for a moment on the right approach to get through to this stubborn woman on her settee. _Sometimes it is not a matter of resolution as much as…finagling._

Margaret fixed her skirt, brushing imaginary crumbs off. "Dr. Ogden. The inspector and I have been married many years and the key to sustaining our marriage is a certain amount of… we shall call it, _negotiation_." She reached over to pat Julia's hand. "What I have learned is, that it is for whomever the need is greatest that the other must give way. Do you think your philosophical objections are greater than the detective's faith?"

Julia was in mid-objection when the question penetrated her mind and effectively silenced her argument. She sat there blinking with the quiet expanding between them. "No, I suppose not," she said softly.

Margaret gave a satisfied nod. "Compromise is not surrender. Dr. Ogden – it is a gift to the other. Is there a way you can both be contented?"

# # #

Julia paced the room, light blue paper flapping in her outstretched hand as she waved Ruby's letter in agitation. _This whole wedding imbroglio is getting out of hand… Emily, Mrs. Brackenreid and now Ruby to boot!_ Julia definitely felt another headache coming on.

Ruby, who had sworn her calendar was free and nothing would ever get in the way of seeing her married to William, sent a terse apology and included a forwarding address as she boarded a ship for the Azores of all places. Ruby's only advice was that Julia should certainly buy the dress she wanted and to please herself "for once."

Julia knew, at heart, _that_ comment was merely sarcasm flung in her direction through the post. In fact, that had also been the topic of Ruby's previous letter, chastising _big sister_ Julia for unnecessarily complicating things, saying it was time to come down off her "high horse _" -Thank you Ruby for that flattering metaphor,_ she grunted.

William was not a man to go back on his word, once given. _William does not need a priest to marry us._ Julia sat down with an exasperated gasp. _So, then, why am I so sure it is important to do?_

On top of it all, she had been drawn back to contemplating Father Clements' question again and again, almost against her will. _But probably not in the way the priest intended,_ Julia guessed.

# # #

Julia sought out William at his work, pausing in the Station House vestibule a moment to take in the sight of him and enjoy the delight that always stole over her when he was near. He sat there behind his desk with a serious, focused look on his face, occupied by tidy piles of reports. She appreciated all the little details of his appearance and precise hand movements as he flipped the pages one by one. She even followed the arc of cufflinks glinting at his strong wrists, remembering the feel of those hands which were, at present, unconsciously smoothing the tone-on-tone patterned silk tie she had recently given him, blue being the colour that, in her opinion, set off his eyes to advantage. Her heart thrilled with pleasure at the thought of him holding her with those hands, looking at her from under fringed lashes. She sighed and promised herself, _One way or another we are getting married._

Julia started out of her reverie and approached about the same moment that he was picking up the telephone. His face lit up, warm brown eyes enlarging. "Doctor, I am so happy to see you, please come in." He rose and gestured to her as he put the telephone down, offering her one of the chairs in front of his desk after squeezing her hand briefly while giving her a peck on the cheek. "I was literally just calling you…" He looked at her fondly, resting his backside against the front of his desk, and burying his hands in his pockets, to keep their conversation on formal terms. _I_ _am_ _expecting a report from Constable Crabtree any minute, after all._

"William," addressing him informally, "we have to talk." She gazed up at him and saw him wince. _"No,"_ she laughed, "nothing terrible, I promise." She saw him relax a bit. "But I have been thinking about our wedding."

He shifted uncomfortably. "As have I."

 _The wince is back,_ Julia observed _._ She continued, putting on a bright aspect for his benefit. "Mrs. Brackenreid has graciously offered to set everything up, just the way we want it." She paused, hoping he would take up the theme. She waited smiling. William smiled back, forcing the grimace off his face, but he did not take the bait. Julia tried again. "So, she needs to know what we want, William. She is wondering what kind of reception we want and what kind of flowers? My goodness she has a whole list." Julia allowed her voice to rise up nearly an octave and hoped her face was conveying an invitation for William to jump in. As for as she could tell he was just staring at her with a studiously pleasant expression, giving nothing away about what he was thinking.

What William _was_ thinking was that Julia was beautiful in her blue suit which nipped in so attractively at the waist…so he a-hemmed to distract himself. _I can always retreat to the other side of the desk if I need more help resisting her…._ He deduced Julia wanted something from him with no clue what that might be, having only an abstract idea how a wedding like theirs was supposed to be arranged. Also because, in all his years, he had never actually _been_ to a wedding—at least one that had not been interrupted by a murder. This fact was something he had heretofore neglected to admit to Julia, embarrassment about his lack of experience weighing heavily. He did know that his acquaintances from St. Paul's, even Mrs. Kitchen and Sargent Seymour could not attend a civil ceremony, and some of the more conservative of his protestant fellow officers would not, which he understood sadly but completely: it was just not within propriety to do so. Therefore he had left it open to his closest workmates which totaled less than a dozen who might be willing to come to a reception. Julia's list was not extensive either, but encompassed a wider circle of true friends who had remained throughout her tribulations. Deferring to her seemed therefore _wise_.

"Whatever you desire, Julia. We know the few to invite, and I am sorry, by the way, that Ruby cannot attend. As for the ceremony we only need two witnesses and perhaps the yellow flowers we discussed? For a reception, I was thinking something simple. You said you did not need another large wedding and I certainly do not. And is it not the bride's wishes that are paramount?" He smiled, picturing her taking vows with him. "I am sure you will make the right decisions. I am just happy we have a firm date. Er…as soon as we know the location, I can let the judge know." Julia nodded but did not add anything to his hint about venue, so he continued. "I assume the ceremony and reception will be in the same place, unless you want to go directly from the courthouse…?"

"It's just that Mrs. Brackenreid seems to have… _expectations_ , William, and I am not certain what to tell her." Julia was coming to the conclusion that her fiancé was going to be no help with these sorts of plans and was also not going to rescue her from the decision she needed to make about their actual wedding. She tried not to sigh. She might cobble together what to tell Mrs. Brackenreid but had no good notion where to start with Father Clements.

"Oh, I see," he answered, seeing actually nothing but not sure what else to say. He had absorbed the Inspector's and a few other married colleagues' admonitions that his role was to buy the ring and show up at the appointed time. That and the honeymoon- arrangements for which were frustratingly still not in writing, no matter how many telegrams he sent. "Perhaps allowing Mrs. Brackenreid to have some parameters and then let her help plan the small party would be a good idea after all. Both of us seem to be quite busy. Speaking of which…"

He fished for his timepiece and set his lips together. "Doctor, I had been about to call you…" He looked about and then closed both of his office doors. He had only so much time and ducking wedding questions was, in his opinion, wasting it. _As soon as this case is over we have to really talk…_ he promised to himself.

Julia wondered briefly if William was going to turn romantic, and gave a sly, "Yes, Detective?" in answer. She was soon disappointed.

"I need your professional opinion. It's about this case and more specifically Mr. Masterson. If I am not mistaken, I think he has been less than forthcoming and I don't understand why he feels the need for deception. I am hoping you can shed some light on his motivation….."

Julia suppressed a groan. While she devoted some attention to William's question and offering her psychological insights, a whole other part of her mind was churning in preparation for a return trip to St. Paul's. It took some time before she got caught up in the moment, intent on solving the puzzle with William, their minds sparking together in perfect union.


	7. Chapter 7

**-Chapter 7-**

Father Clements set the ear piece in the cradle on his parlour desk, and looked out the room's mullioned window towards trees gently losing their blossoms in the warm air. He had not expected William's fiancée to ask for a meeting this abruptly, so the priest was curious. She had previously telephoned to ask pointed questions about Church teachings, questions she could or should have raised with William, so it also appeared that she had still discussed none of this _with_ her fiancé.

The priest allowed himself to devote some mundane attention to what he privately thought of as the "William and Julia problem." It was increasingly clear Julia Ogden was unaware of exactly the spiritual sacrifice William was planning to make in order to have her as his wife. _And why should she? Sundays were probably the most segregated day of the week._ Roman Catholics, still mostly Irish with some new German and French immigration, were less than ten percent of Toronto's population, and while conditions were changing, Catholics were concentrated primarily in slums and were, even after all this time, as carefully excluded from Society and power as were the Jewish residents of the City, no matter how wealthy or prominent. The prejudice did not start nor end with crude signs that specify whose trade was unwelcome or whose employment was discouraged. _Her parents it seemed, were somewhat enlightened, but it was not unusual for even otherwise rational individuals to succumb to superstition and aversion to the notion of Catholicism,_ _particularly_ _in Toronto. Dr. Ogden had, through no fault of her own, no point of reference_.

William was by his own account quite happy and determined in his course; Dr. Ogden was the conflicted one. Father Clements admitted to some ambivalence in himself: his primary spiritual and pastoral role focused on safeguarding William's soul and he suspected he may be called upon to disappoint his friend in order to tend to his parishioner, depending on the outcome of Dr. Ogden's visit.

He checked his calendar to make sure it was free and then his case clock to see how much time he had to get ready, trying to decide if his interview with Dr. Ogden was going to require tea or whisky. He laughed quietly to himself, seeing the contrasts and similarities between Dr. Ogden and Detective Murdoch realizing, having now met the lady, why William was drawn to his Julia _._

He bypassed the teapot. _I suspect whisky._ The priest found the bottle he tucked into his bottom desk drawer and brought out two glasses, setting these items discretely aside. He decided to occupy his time waiting by reading Thomas Aquinas, sure he would need more than prayer to parry and riposte with Dr. Ogden.

# # #

Julia entered the church right at the appointed time, and was invited by Father Clements on a tour of the sanctuary with a narration of the decoration and furnishings of the space. He even pointed out the chandeliers, surprising her to learn that William had been the one to electrify them, even teaching a class on electricity and wiring (of all things!) to young parishioners; something William had never revealed to her. Julia noted the priest seemed mildly anxious, prattling on like that, and asked herself why, since it was she who was the petitioner. _I took him for someone who was straight forward. Perhaps he has already decided the answer must be no…_ she thought, _and is just stalling to be polite._

As they walked, they talked, with Julia's heart sinking at each turn up or down the aisle. Father Clements launched into what sounded to her like a well-rehearsed recitation that veered inevitably from the building's iconography, to Roman Catholic dogma. "The Catholic Church takes the sacrament of marriage very seriously."

"As do I, Father. As do I." Julia refused to be embarrassed or baited.

"One of the reasons that the Church exists is to safeguard the souls of those in its care." He pointed to another stained glass window, and commented on its provenance. "It is not about the building, as beautiful as it is, or even about the hierarchy. The Church is the people and trying to do the correct action in accordance with God's will. It is about communion with God, our Creator."

Julia's anger flared. "The same God, Father Clements, who sees us all as equal? Or who sees women as less than equal? Or who justified slavery? The same God of Protestants, Catholics and Hebrews? How are religious wars about communion with God? Even within our fair city." The rock-throwing Jubilee riots of 1875 were within the memories of most Toronto adults, and "orange" parades still marched. _All in the name of Christianity,_ Julia had said to William one time when they were discussing another topic regarding the Canadian community of ex-slaves who fled north from the States.

Father Clements understood the reference. "That is a history lesson, Dr. Ogden, perhaps about foolish men; men who veered from the true path." He accompanied her back along the transept to the rail. "You want to marry William. And you want to marry him in the Church, do you not?" He paused and looked deeply in her eyes.

Julia met his gaze without wavering. "Yes. I think it is the right thing to do for William."

"But is it the right thing for you to do? This is the question, is it not?" He said back to her, and saw her hesitate a fraction.

"Perhaps…"

He continued. "If a Roman Catholic insists on marriage to a non-Catholic, the Church allows it, but wants to protect the soul of the Catholic in the marriage by making sure the non-Catholic understands the moral teaching and obligations of the Catholic party and assure that the Catholic is not in put in a position hostile to his faith. That is why the Church can offer the sacrament of marriage only after an interview with and an evaluation of the intentions of the non-Catholic."

Her anger flared again and she worked to curtail it. "I see," she said noncommittally. She considered all the years of discussions, sharp words with William, issues they debated.

"You did know, did you not, that a Catholic cannot marry a divorced person without putting themselves in a state of adultery, a state of sin, and therefore would be unable to receive communion?" he continued. He saw Dr. Ogden's eyes narrow abruptly, then she blinked. Her face froze for a second. _Ah, she did not really know that,_ he surmised, _or if she did, she did not really understand or care enough about the implication before._ "You asked him before to choose between the full practice of his faith and becoming your husband." He spoke this gently, without recrimination.

"Yes, I suppose I did." She could not deny it. Julia had a sudden desperate feeling of dread. _This is not going to work; he has as much as accused me of leading William astray!_

" **And have you considered what I asked of you, Dr. Ogden?"** Father Clementsthought it was time to get back to the basic question.

" **As a matter of fact, I have."** Julia had been turning over arguments for hours. She had come to the church feeling conciliatory but that intention had fled.

" **And?"**

Julia decided to begin with her biggest complaint. **"Tell me about the cruelty of God."**

" **Is God cruel?"**

" **I treat diseases of the mind; people driven into madness by no fault of their own. When I worked as a coroner, I saw results of unspeakable violence…"** _If God was both benevolent and omniscient how can these things exist?_ She thundered silently to herself while she wrestled with his question. She did not believe the priest would have an answer.

" **Not perpetrated by God."** The priest had, however anticipated this argument.

" **But permitted by God,"** Julia shot back.

Father Clements smiled and gentled his voice **. "God does not permit anything, God grants us life. What we do with that life, that's up to you and me."**

Julia quashed a frustrated sigh. **"And what does it matter if I believe or not?"**

" **Because your eternal soul will never find peace unless you believe in the teachings of Christ. Christ teaches love. Christ teaches forgiveness. Christ teaches joy…"**

" **And fealty…"** she interrupted.

" **Yes, the Church may try to teach fealty… Christ does not."** The priest slid a small book to her hand and gave her a look. She accepted the volume and he turned to leave, getting as far as the side door before stopping. This time it was she who called him back.

Julia faced him directly. "Tell me. What about love, forgiveness, joy…where are these when a volcano erupts, when a town floods or a train crashes?" Julia could not drop the urge for asking the questions, suddenly aware that she was no longer so much challenging as actually inquiring. "Why is God not preventing such evils as well? These are not perpetrated by men. Or it is in fact 'God's Will' for such suffering and death?" Her voice echoed in the space.

Father Clements brought his hands together. "God does not control everything. God offers us freedom to choose how we are going to respond to worldly events. You ask about love. Love is about supporting those who suffer. Christ's compassion and sacrifice of one's self for the other." He put his hand out towards the crucifix above the altar. "As for joy? Have you never seen children at play in the face of tragedy? Loving God gives us the ability to hope." He paused and noticed that for the first time, she was really listening.

"Father, when will I know your decision?" Julia asked, dreading his answer.

"Read and consider the catechism. Come see me in two days, after mid-day prayers, and we will talk." He looked at her, standing in a pool of coloured sunshine, stroking the black leather-bound book. "Dr Ogden. Perhaps you also have some questions for William," he suggested. Father Clements bid her good day and left her to her own thoughts.

The priest took himself over to his rectory parlour and plopped down in his favourite chair, deep in contemplation. He smiled to himself, recalling discussing the needs of the congregation and spiritual journeys of the parish with his predecessor, Father Faire. Eventually the topic of William Murdoch and his affection for one Julia Ogden presented itself. Father Faire was explicit in his belief that William would hopefully bring Julia Ogden back to God, one way or the other, though the journey be long and crooked. _Looks like William needed some additional time and help in that._ The priest grinned wider and his eye travelled to the whisky bottle he set out earlier. He decided to hold that thought for next time.


	8. Chapter 8

**-Chapter 8-**

William subsumed his nervousness with effort while waiting for Julia to arrive. She had sequestered herself away from him for the past two days which he found unbearable for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was fleeting anxiety about the ridiculous notion that she had changed her mind about marriage.

 _Only Julia…._ he grumbled, and checked his watch. His blossoming insecurity was uncharacteristic and grating.

William Murdoch strove, as always, to be the best man he knew how to be, viewing all people as equal under the law and under God, and he knew himself to be as worthy as any man, merely praying he successfully balanced accomplishment with humility. Only Julia had ever made him feel this vulnerable to self-doubt, and only when it came to their relationship… _because it is so precious._

He took in a short breath and pursed his lips, clearing his mind and dragging himself back to accept responsibility. _I know it is unfair to blame Julia for my feelings. But I_ will _feel better when we are finally and officially married!_ Thoughts about having her brought a subsequent grin to his face that lingered long enough to greet that very lady when she came up to the entrance of the Horticultural Park greenhouse.

"William. Thank you so much for agreeing to speak with me on such short notice." Julia noticed a distracted look on him and kissed his cheek as he rose to join her. "Shall we go in?"

He offered her his arm as they strolled the crushed stone pathway and while Julia smelled a sculptured tangle of jasmine vines. He looked around and saw they were alone in the glass house; William's anxiety rose again as the silence between them persisted, and he felt a drop of sweat on his neck, not solely caused by vegetative humidity. "Julia, what is it you wanted to talk with me about so urgently? Is something wrong?" He noted absently her suit contrasted nicely against the greenery, but William's attention was captured by her face, searching for any clue about what was bothering her. The waiting strained all patience.

"William, I wanted to ask you… well I have two questions for you before we get married."

"Only two?" He asked, a smile playing on the side of his mouth. That broke some of the tension between them. They sat on a small bench, secluded by ferns, while William waited for Julia to compose herself.

She looked directly at him. "William, I have to know something." She paused and inhaled. "I have to know why you never pursued Isaac… Dr. Tash, all those years ago. I always assumed that the law was everything to you; in fact you told me that yourself. Why are you accepting of what I did, of what Dr. Tash may do, when you know it breaks the law?"

He was taken aback, flung once again into the painful past. He also saw her brace for his answer as if it would be a blow. A similar bench and similar conversation flooded his memory, sending an uncomfortable jolt to his gut. His mouth opened but no sound emerged.

She continued, keeping her gaze fixed in his eyes. "You said that you did not have to violate your principles…how is that possible?"

William's heart pounded. His mind fled him while he struggled to breathe. _Speak!_ he shouted at himself, dreading the way his tongue stuck dryly to the roof of his mouth. _William, you must speak!_

He searched her face and in a flash saw fear and affection mirrored there. That was all he needed to impel him forward. He reached for both her hands and pulled them towards his chest and then brought them to his mouth for a kiss. He made sure she was paying close attention as he stroked her engagement ring with his thumb. "I said I would do what I had to do." He paused. "Julia, why is this so important to you, right now?"

"Please, William, just answer. Will you do that for me?"

He nodded and pulled his thoughts together. _The truth, then._ He made himself speak, slowly, carefully picking his way through, trying to keep any waver out of his voice. "The law is very important to me. It is codified, generally rational, logical, and in large part has defined my whole adult life. It is something tangible that I can understand…" He saw her nod affirmatively. "But, for me it is justice that supersedes even the law." He cleared his throat and she encouraged him to continue. "My principles, values or faith all are bounded by compassion as well as truth." William stopped, weighing if he should tell her about Constance Gardner, but decided it was not only _his_ secret to tell, so passed on that. "I had already made my decision before we spoke that day. I made that choice because I imagined what it was like for Miss Dunn, all alone and bleeding to death, to have been so desperate and left with what she believed were no options….And I believed Dr. Tash when he told me that if she had come to him she would still have been alive." He lowered his voice. "And I believed him when he said you knew it too…and the _truth_ was he was right when he said I knew that as well…"

Julia smiled up at him and let out a breath she was not aware she was keeping. "Yes," she murmured but did not explain.

William also relaxed a fraction, and decided to take the lead, more confident now. "Julia, you said there were two questions?..."

# # #

For the second time that day William was summoned away from the Station House, forgoing another meal break to take care of personal matters. He smirked to himself: _At this rate even the Inspector will notice I have been negligent._

Father Clements' message had been cryptic but insistent. ' _Come to the sanctuary right away, before Vespers_.'

He rode his bicycle to get there before six o'clock, turning his noon-day conversation with Julia over in his head. While he pedaled he found himself satisfied with the outcome of their discussion, even if he still did not understand the real purpose behind Julia's questions. He believed she was holding something back…then sighed contentedly. _Being in love with Julia is worth every difficult moment…_

He leaned his wheel against the Church's rough stone façade and stepped up into the worship space to remove his hat, spying the priest walking towards him appearing quite calm; which set William to wondering what was so urgent.

" **Father Clements…"**

" **William,"** the priest greeted.

" **You asked to speak with me?..."**

Father Clements bore a knowing grin. **"I am so very pleased that you have finally found someone in this world who is at the very least your equal."** The priest was exhausted as well as energized from his encounter with Dr. Ogden and was happy to leave her to William's concern, certain that William was going to be a lucky man if he could keep up with his wife.

As the priest passed by he gestured, revealing Julia sitting in a pew. **"Julia?"** William was now totally confused, and allowed that to show on his face. He sat down. **"You certainly impressed Father Clements."**

" **And he, I, William."** Julia smiledat William's bewilderment. **"He's permitted our wedding to take place in the Church."**

William was speechless again, and worried. **"Julia. I know your convictions. You don't have to do that for me."**

She smiled more broadly. **"And now I better understand** _ **your**_ **convictions. Your faith is important to you, William. And if we're to marry, I want to marry all of you."**

He searched her face and recalled the questions she asked of him earlier in the day. " _If_ we're to marry?" he could not help asking, partly in jest.

"William!" She swatted him playfully.

He looked back to Father Clements who was leaving to give them some privacy and then to her, gesturing between the two of them. "But how?…When?" he stuttered, grabbing her hand and pressing it between his to make sure the moment was real.

"Father Clements and I have been getting acquainted. He is an interesting man." She exhaled. "I understand why you only play chess with him—he is quite, _perceptive_." She brushed his face lovingly with her finger. "He and I have also been talking about what was required for him to marry us." She withdrew a small book he recognized as a catechism from her bag, causing his brows to rise abruptly. "He asked me some very hard, very challenging questions."

William's thoughts spun. "Does this have anything to do with our discussion earlier today?" he asked. For some reason she had wanted to know how he coped last year after she was released from jail but during the months while they were separated.

Julia nodded. "Yes. That was part of it. You were so, well, _normal_ William when we reconnected after all of…that. I did not precisely appreciate why that was… I'm not sure I entirely do even now. Father Clements helped me to better understand that my utter faith in you might be grounded in your complete faith in God." She placed the catechism in his hands. "This was not what I expected at all. I found very little in here with which I can find fault, not really, if I can appreciate it in a certain larger light, and, umm, Father Clements and I came to an arrangement about the remainder." Julia smiled up at him, seeing so much emotion wash over his countenance. She stopped, feeling her own emotions swell.

"Julia, are you certain? I admit it would mean so much to me…"

"But you would never ask, would you?" He shook his head. She continued. "Love is a gift. It cannot be wrested or imposed. Love requires freedom to choose. I choose this for you, William. For _us._ It is what I want as well."

He hugged her closely, happiness overtaking his awareness he was in the sanctuary, and of the people filing in for Vespers, not caring about the spectacle of them kissing.

"Only one thing, you have to promise," she asked in a whispered laugh when he let her lips go to place their foreheads together.

"Anything," he whispered back.

She dropped her head conspiratorially. "About the wedding vows…"

 ****END****

 **Happy Valentine's Day to all.** Reviews, feedback andcomments hereby solicited. I am especially interested in your opinion on the idea whether or not William has _friends_ in the conventional sense and if someone as restrained and unique as his character has peers. _Thank you to "I'd Be Delighted" for the intriguing thought experiment._


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